Molly

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Changed

So I have been thinking over the last little while and it is crazy how much I have changed over the last couple of years. Yes it could be to the fact that I got married, moved to a different country, had the wicked witch as the west as my landlord, or about a trillion other reasons, but I am thinking that I am not such a huge fan of the changes that have happened, yet am not wanting to go back all at the same time.
Take forinstance, my roommates have a blog that we all had so much fun writing on, about a year ago... now I refuse to post anything on there due to feeling "out of the loop." One of our roommates who just was married commented on how those of us who didn't make to to the reception better have a good excues. I deleted my comment that said "I live in a different country in case you forgot. Also, you didn't make any effort to come to my wedding reception so I don't feel too bad about it." WOW MINDY EVANS GALLUP!!!!!!!!!!! I would have never even dreamed about saying something like that before.
Facebook. Yes facebook. Last night Shane and I were going through my old posts on facebook trying to find a funny video. As we were scrolling through all of the posts it dawned on me how I used to be social and I used to write on people's walls, as well as they would write on mine. Now I avoid contact at all cost if possible, delete people I haven't seen in a while, and harshly judge status'.
I used to love to see friends, meet new people, and talk to anyone and everyone I could. Now I don't comment to the girl in the store "that shirt is so cute," or even call or text my friends that just a couple of months ago I would see on nearly a daily basis. I don't plan "game nights" or any of the other fun, random, often holiday parties I used to. I keep my friends cirlce as small as possible and unless someone reaches out to me, I keep to myself. The hypocritial part about all of it is that I complain so often that I want a job where I can be social and am not strapped to my desk forced to answer the phone and pass the calls along.
What has happened to the "what the problem is" Mindy? The one who used to dance in her apartment in her tights and shirt, or make up random renditions to the Michael Jackson's Happy Birthday Lisa song, or run around screaming "what the problem is!" I have become so bitter towards people and circumstances. I get my exercise jumping to conclusions, running down peoples throats, side-stepping responsibility, and pushing my luck. I miss the happy, go lucky, life rocks girl I used to be. My destiny all depends on me, no one else. I have a few things to work on.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Greateful

So it is after midnight on Sunday night and I am not able to sleep. The fact that I took a 3 hour nap and woke up at like 9:30 doesn't help that fact much either. Today was an amazing fast Sunday for me. Shane and I were able to get our temple recommends signed and it makes me think what a wonderful blessing it is to have our marriage solumnized in the most sacred place. We were able to see our old bishop as we were waiting for our interviews and he asked us about a friend of ours who is a new member of the church. So the reason in me telling you this whole story is that I woke up from my nap thinking about her and can't stop thinking about her. I think that she may be struggling in life. I love her so dearly, and I think the part that is hardest for me is that even thought at times I take it for grantid, I am so blessed to have the gospel in my life and to be born a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. I have had a hard time putting things into words lately, especially things that should make sense. I feel there is a time of growth coming for me. I look forward to what the next chapter in my life holds and am so grateful for my Heavenly Father and His mercy and His grace.